Monday, September 25, 2006
I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES, OKAY??!!
i started this blog as a way to pass time during my sleepless nights. then, i quit my last job and suddenly lost my insomnia. so i haven't really been sure if this is worth continuing since it has lost its therapeutic aspect and now is just an exercise in vanity. plus, i hate the feeling that i have to post something here, simply because it IS here.
so....where to begin? i have more or less lost my prostate infection, that's good news. my health insurance kicked in so i broke down and went to my doctor, whom i hate. she's a young woman who has an edge to her that i find unappealing. plus, she always says something to me when i see her that pisses me off. this time, she made an issue of thae fact that i'm sexually active (at my age, imagine!) and said that i needed an hiv test because "people with hiv have a fractionally larger percentage of prostate infections". then, when she examined me after i had described my symptoms including my testicles swelling, she's standing there with my balls in her hand and says, "did you say these went DOWN???". long story short, i was on antibiotics for six weeks and most of the problem is gone. still some sensitivity but i think i'll wait and see how it plays out. fortunately, the doctor has moved to another office several miles from me, so i have a real legitimate excuse to transfer to someone else (male) in the group.
let's see. barry's sister, robin, who always disliked me has suddenly become my new best friend, she'd like to think. barry and i have lived together since thanksgiving 1980. during most of that time, she was distant to him and i didn't even exist. when their mother, father and aunt all went into decline and had to be cared for, it forced some interactions and they became closer...and i still didn't exist. anyway, a few years ago, robin was diagnosed with breast cancer and had extensive chemo. she and he became much closer during that time and i, somewhat grudgingly, began to be mentioned and even spoken to. i should say that during this time, she also married her longtime boyfriend, who is black, and barry was the only one of the family to openly accept him and go out of his way to make him feel welcome. so, fast forward...a few months ago, robin called with the news that the cancer had not been eradicated and had moved into her brain and was a major growth. she invited BOTH of us to her home, introduced me to her husband and has been going out of her way to be friendly. the cancer, which was once again treated with chemo, she now says is in remission, again, tho her husband privately showed me the x-rays and told me that she had limited time left. i don't know what to believe and i really don't have any interest in becoming her new friend, just because she acted shitty all of those years and now may regret it.
my job? not bad. i had a few rough patches at the beginning, mostly personality conflicts but i think they are more or less straightened out or, at least, the same people are afraid to fuck with me now.
i'll continue this later...aol is becoming upset that i haven't navigated.
i started this blog as a way to pass time during my sleepless nights. then, i quit my last job and suddenly lost my insomnia. so i haven't really been sure if this is worth continuing since it has lost its therapeutic aspect and now is just an exercise in vanity. plus, i hate the feeling that i have to post something here, simply because it IS here.
so....where to begin? i have more or less lost my prostate infection, that's good news. my health insurance kicked in so i broke down and went to my doctor, whom i hate. she's a young woman who has an edge to her that i find unappealing. plus, she always says something to me when i see her that pisses me off. this time, she made an issue of thae fact that i'm sexually active (at my age, imagine!) and said that i needed an hiv test because "people with hiv have a fractionally larger percentage of prostate infections". then, when she examined me after i had described my symptoms including my testicles swelling, she's standing there with my balls in her hand and says, "did you say these went DOWN???". long story short, i was on antibiotics for six weeks and most of the problem is gone. still some sensitivity but i think i'll wait and see how it plays out. fortunately, the doctor has moved to another office several miles from me, so i have a real legitimate excuse to transfer to someone else (male) in the group.
let's see. barry's sister, robin, who always disliked me has suddenly become my new best friend, she'd like to think. barry and i have lived together since thanksgiving 1980. during most of that time, she was distant to him and i didn't even exist. when their mother, father and aunt all went into decline and had to be cared for, it forced some interactions and they became closer...and i still didn't exist. anyway, a few years ago, robin was diagnosed with breast cancer and had extensive chemo. she and he became much closer during that time and i, somewhat grudgingly, began to be mentioned and even spoken to. i should say that during this time, she also married her longtime boyfriend, who is black, and barry was the only one of the family to openly accept him and go out of his way to make him feel welcome. so, fast forward...a few months ago, robin called with the news that the cancer had not been eradicated and had moved into her brain and was a major growth. she invited BOTH of us to her home, introduced me to her husband and has been going out of her way to be friendly. the cancer, which was once again treated with chemo, she now says is in remission, again, tho her husband privately showed me the x-rays and told me that she had limited time left. i don't know what to believe and i really don't have any interest in becoming her new friend, just because she acted shitty all of those years and now may regret it.
my job? not bad. i had a few rough patches at the beginning, mostly personality conflicts but i think they are more or less straightened out or, at least, the same people are afraid to fuck with me now.
i'll continue this later...aol is becoming upset that i haven't navigated.
# posted by rae121452 : 9/25/2006 05:04:00 AM
